if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
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do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
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the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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