She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
