As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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