Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
