he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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