did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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