If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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