I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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