So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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