It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
