I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
