The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
