So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
