Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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