Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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