I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
