piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
