I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i think i have two assholes
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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