How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
