Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
