Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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