I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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