Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
