I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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