This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
