woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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