why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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