dude i'm inner monologue high
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
