got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
