Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
