Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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