She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
