It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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