Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
they need to just BURY HIM!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
