Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
