after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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