there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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