so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
