So drunk its hurt
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
