Non-Jews are for practice
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
