pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
