I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
