..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
