shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
