ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
