your parents love me but you hate me
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
