I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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