Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
