then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
