Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
