I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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