Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
