Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
