You work out of a Hotel?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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