You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
