I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
