I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
