Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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