5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
