Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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