did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
