If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Terrible idea I love it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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