Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
