craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
