girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
