Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
