i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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