Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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