There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
